A sense of humor is needed when flying in this digital age, and a whole lot of patience.
Well, welcome to the club, my friends. It’s like the airport Gods decided to pay a cruel joke on us all scattering the departure gates like hidden treasures forcing us to navigate a maze of endless corridors and signs that might as well have been written in hieroglyphics. The global shut-down added insult to injury. Let’s admit it, in this time and age, computers are programmed to do the thinking. And, let’s not forget the security checkpoint, where we all turn into amateur contortionists trying to gracefully remove our shoes, belts, and dignities, all while hoping we don’t set off the metal detector and get escorted away by the TSA agents.
Five years ago, at JFK, I was whisked to another room with two female TSA officers who were baffled why I was blinging when all my blings were gone. A light went off in my very tired mind as I held my arm up and pointed to my right wrist and said, “Try here.” Little did I know that the plates and pins which were installed, so to speak, piqued the interest of many a TSA agent of how, why, where, when, for years to come.
I wasn’t escorted away at the Orlando airport, but my carry-on was targeted for inspection. Under his breath I heard my husband say, “What a surprise!” “Hmmmm,” was all I managed.
I stood there quietly as a TSA agent asked me if it was okay to search my bag, Like I had a choice. I thought of saying, “no.” My husband read my face and slowly nodded his head from the left to the right. One of the benefits of being married so long, you know what the other is thinking. The downside, you know what the other is thinking. I inhaled a long sigh, and gathered my patience deep within my soul and said, “sure.” The culprit one long tube of sun screen and a small can of hair spray over code two inches. Other than that, the TSA agent was happy to inform me, “I was good to go. Nothing suspicious,” Imagine that!
Frustration Continues:
Ah! The joys of air travel in this delightful digital age! You’d think with all our fancy technology, getting from point A to Point B would be as smooth as a freshly poured pint. But alas, the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, thus the global shut-down, and, sometimes even the savviest of flyers in a pickle, wondering if they’ll make it to their destination on time, or at all. And let’s not forget the sheer joy of trying to decipher the airline’s cryptic announcements delivered in a language that sounds suspiciously Klingon, and all this among the nervous loud chatter from the people in the airport. Is there any wonder why you couldn’t hear? For all you know, the announcer could have said, “Attention flight 664 to the Isle of Doom.” What? An urge to yell possesses you, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT-UP! I HAVE THIS IMPORTANT FLIGHT TO ITALY TO CATCH.”
“Uh oh, was that me?” The woman next to me asked, “Are you okay?” “Of course I am, just a little frazzled.”
Another announcement: “Flight 664 has been delayed 40 minutes. No worries, boarding will take place in 20 minutes,” a sigh of relief.
Announcement: “You need to go to Gate 78.” So, like a pack of rats, we all scurried to Gate 78 only to be told we needed to go back to Gate 71, so the pack scurried back to Gate 71, enter the ping pong effect. They didn’t know what to do with us, so they sent us to Gate 74 for further instructions. Gate 74 kept us when they realized our plane was sitting right outside Gate 74. The pack of rats now turned into a plague of flying monkeys, flailing and yanking. In fear of being attacked, airport attendants decided that it was safer to allow us to board, and two hours later, the plane had not moved. The pilot decided to assuage our anxiety when he said, “We will be leaving shortly after the plane is refueled and the engine checked.” Anxiety rose, and the confusion of why wasn’t this done before only complicated matters as we all wondered if we were going to make it to our destination, or worse.
Ah, the joys of air travel, where the only thing more confusing than the security lines is the in-flight entertainment. But hey, at least we can take solace in the fact that we’re all in this together, right? After all, what’s a little airport chaos compared to the camaraderie of a group of strangers all united in their collective bewilderment and the shared hope of making it to their destinations in one piece.
Through all this ground turbulence, we did land in Rome on time and emerged on Italian soil with smiles on our faces.
